Dude i dropped out of high school and i was getting offers from ivy league schools man . I fucking threw a lot away and even after threw it all away i rebuilt . i went to a college i got two degrees that were hard at the same time , i took 21 credits in a semester bruh , not many people can take 21 credits in engineering classes in a semester and get through it , most people would fail . I did hard internship , i had internship where i was 19 years old and i was managing people in their 20s and 30s , i was doing pitch competitions and i was grinding ! My co founder wanted me to win , suceed ! I had people who cared about and people cared about me 🥺 I had hope in my heart for the universe .

MY MUM GAVE UP SHE REFUSED TO WORK AND HER DOG DIED !!! Her dog died after i took her dog in.

I was homeless within a month and i hated everything , heart filled with bitterness ! I haven't selflessly loved anything or any one in 4 years . Its been 4 years of me just being angry and numb . My dog died and i was just done , pissed ! 😡 It was the last thing i loved , fuckin dead ! It was a 2 year old dog bro , she killed it . My mum killed multiple dogs , thats a fact . i shouldn't even say that but she did , when i was 17 literally within few months of my brother dying ,heathegee poisoned my dog with antifreeze . You know how disgusting that is ? She locked it in a basement and poisoned her food with antifreeze , like she didn't even watch him ! Just let it die in basement .

I miss feeling loved 💟

I was passionately in love in highschool with a girl , i haven't felt love like that since . I have had girlfriends and shit but its always been shallow 😭 . I used to feel love on the regular bruh .

Henry i literally have a head injury , i literally am in pain . i have inflammation in my brain stem , left side of my head is in constant pain . i blew everything i had , i had fucking apartment . im in hotel room in las vegas with no money to my money , brain filled with pain.

i am acutely sensitive to everything im taking . i am truly one in a million . i dont what to fucking do man . I genuinely want an answer , im afraid if i take a step wrong at this point i will die . I am sober at least , i am not being high . My body and my head hurts im fucking miserable. I dont know how to meet people and make friends . every friend i made was thro school . i need a new community , i need purpose . i never had the ability to lucid inception . i had a dream inside of my dream and i consciously woke up from the dream inside the dream while i was dreaming and then went back to sleep in side of my dream , i went back to sleep while i sleeping . i remember i was in a gta video game type of dream and i t was like i could choose all these waypoints and choose all this shit , it was really weird . i've been having inception dreams where i can see things inside of a dream , its made me believe aliens are real , i have alien dreams ALL the time now . i had a dream aliens are operating on my brain dude 🧠 . I think i have schizophrenia , i think in 20 years i will hear voices and see shit , like i smoked so much fucking dabs like james cmon .

if i have a computer and a monitor then i can make some bullshit work to build some portfolio . How did i get shit job at Microsoft? i had portfolio website with my name and Microsoft could google me and see that shit .

When i was in the shleter ,my shit was bad like that shelter was bad , it was first time in my life my dad cut me off like REALLY cut me off . Like right now he doesn't cut me off he just gets me hotel room every night cus he knows i have this head injury and he feels bad , he cut me off then you know my mum was dying like she literally would have dad if i didn't go to that hospital and get her to leave

Like i saw all this , i was a kick viewer , i saw how diluted and polluted it was all this bullshit and now kick is like number one media company and i was like how is every person at the top preaching nonsense taking a bag ,

You push too hard you disappear , yea its easy to be nothing after you pushed . to have pushed and really pushed and then you get fucked THEN pushing again is soooooo much harder but noone tells you that . You haven't seen , you need to feel when motherfuckers push back . What hurst the most is when you fail a push and you think you have it . I self destruct , some people dont self destruct . i make mistake and i make them again and i make them 10 times worse than first one and i keep making them dumber and dumber and dumber . i have incapability for sucess , its infinite loop .